You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
