I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
