Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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