when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
