woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
