Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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