i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
