Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
be right there i have to get my cape
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
