do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
