Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
