I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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