you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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