YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just invented taco cereal.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
