Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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