I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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