i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
did you just send me my own nude
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
