Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
