Where did you get a picture of my penis
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
