can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
