I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
