I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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