Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
