420 ftw
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
