I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
