I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
