census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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