we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
