he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
