Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
