i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
