I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
