im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
