piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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