I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
