I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
