So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
