No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
