I can text with my tongue
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
