brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
