im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
