So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
