the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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