bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so let's talk penis.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
