So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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