i was born a porn star she said
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
