i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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