So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
