And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
