he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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