I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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