if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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