Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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