i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
