In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
dude. I can hear the air.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
