No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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